steve spiros waterloo

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        Steve "The Legend of Waterloo" Spiro - Monologue
Link to video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uXwRgnZ990I
(Text in brackets are actions, not speech)
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Reporter: What's your name?

Steve Spiro:

My name, oh, let me tell you my name.

Uhh, I'm confused. Because, uh, you know. Like we're supposed to believe in the ministry, right?

So is the, i-is the church and state supposed to be separate? I'm confused because I never went to school. 

Right? Is a confused person get a resolution? I don't understand.

You see, when you go like that, (makes cross symbol with hands,) you have a cross - 2 sticks.  Right? And that's how I felt when I was in Waterloo. Because when I walked in Waterloo, and smiled at people, they treated me like a vampire. They used a cross, and they went like this, (raises crossed fingers as if for better visibility) by not smiling at me.

In Toronto... hey, hi guys! You know me, Steve Spiros, easy going? Those who know me, I'm a nobody. Ya understand? And ya can't kill a person with no body. 

So, why am I afraid? I'm not afraid. 

I'm afraid of the boogeyman. Who's the boogeyman? You figure it out! I'm getting out of here.

I'm going back to Waterloo where the vampires hang out, and I'm gonna to wear my sunglasses at night. You know why? Because women show their tits! Have short skirts! And then they feel violated when I look at them. Why? 'Cause I have sunglasses on and I'm weird.

Uhh, I'm from Humberside. I'm sorry if I made a fool of Humberside, but, all those people who called me a sleepwalker? I woke up. Now I'm going back to sleep, 'cause I'm going to be committed in an isolation room, because I'm gonna go back to the ministry, and allow them to perceive me as I am; a fuck up!

Goodbye!

(scene cuts to a few moments later)

Hey Toronto the good; look at, look at this square! It was a shit hole when I worked here, now it looks like New York Manhattan. Where are the bums? There's no bums here. Toronto doesn't have bums. But Waterloo? They're creating bums. They created me. Why? I don't know. Maybe it's the church. Talk to the Pope, he knows everything. I've had it, I'm gonna die. How can you die when you're dead?

Oh, wait a second. I'm gonna be crucified, right? (Tears open shirt leading into a cough.)

I'm not gonna raise my voice. (screen fades out to show logo.)

Because I'm committed to the lord. 

I love you.