farting elves

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        Everybody knows elves are gassy, the extent of which is known worldwide and across many different planes, but how nuanced are YOU on potential threat from feeding your elf something you shouldn't? This enclosed document will tell you all you need to know.
A Guide To An Elf's Gassiness (Curry Scale):

1 Spoonful: Typical gassiness, easy to deal with unless you're sensitive, farts are approximately 2-4 seconds long and about the strength of a light breeze.

3 Spoonfuls: Still breathable but so much more powerful, farts become loud enough to echo through a conference hall and the stench reaches the other side in a matter of minutes, only half as strong as the source. Farts are at the strength where nearby windows in a 10 meter radius will shake and loose clothing is lifted, about 8-12 seconds long each. Try to stay at a moderate distance at this level.

10 Spoonfuls: The sort of gas you have to prep for beforehand, and the last you can expect to be around and stay on your feet- even so, keep a steady stance if too close in case you lose your footing, because now the elf's 'poots' have reached gale force levels of power, as well as inducing nausea and drowsiness on the untrained nose, this will likely start becoming pleasurable for the elf, allowing loss of self control leading to greater gas levels. Be equipped with mints and air freshener if you can.

Half a bowl: Seriously dangerous rippers, these rumbling farts hold the potential to bust down any wall it's aimed at provided it's weak enough while nearby glass will likely shatter if not already flung into the wall by the cyclone-like winds in the elf's range. Gas masks are recommended if you absolutely have to stay close, otherwise seek shelter far away, the smell may knock out even seasoned fart sniffers if exposed for too long.

A whole bowl: RUN. Escape on foot, because of the earthquake-like results from an entire serving, transport vehicles will be too hindered to function. Do not attempt to collect valuables, hold your breath as long as possible while you evacuate; farting sessions like these can last up to two days at most, so holing up inside won't do you any good. Do not come back within a 10 mile radius after the farting has subsided, residual stench is still potent enough to bring people with protection to their knees.